A dog person’s dictionary

ANGULATION:

Degree to which dog handlers will bend over backwards to impress the judges. 

BALANCE:

How to arrange the checkbook so your spouse won't know how much money you spent on dog shows last month. Usually done in the bathroom with the door locked. 

BITCH:

a) Name for a lady dog.

b) Name often overheard at dog shows, not always to describe a lady dog. 

COAT:

The hairy covering of a dog that usually falls out about one week before the Specialty show. 

DAM:

a) A lady dog with children.

b) Expression frequently overheard at dog shows as losers leave the ring. 

ELBOW:

Method of getting to ringside when late. 

EXPRESSION:

"Sweet" look adopted by dogs while staring ravenously at chunks of liver. 

FANCIER:

Degree to which some gentlemen handlers dress more than others. 

FEATHERING:

What winners are accused of doing to Judges' nests. 

FRONT:

Part of the dog often stacked toward the outside of the ring. 

HEEL:

a ) What you feel like when your dog beats the one you had just sold to an eager novice.

b) Expression often screamed to attract the attention of deaf dogs. 

HEIGHT:

As in "Maximum Allowed", a measurement which all champions fall under by AT LEAST 1/8 inch. 

HOCK:

A way of financing your dog shows by the use of jewelry such as wedding rings. 

KENNEL:

Where you go when the lads fight and your spouse yells at you. 

LITTER:

Trash left all over the building and parking lot after a dog show. 

MASK:

What to wear when you have to show the pet you sold six months ago. 

MUZZLE:

What to put on your kids at a dog show to prevent them from calling your competition what they overheard you call him last night. 

NOSEPRINTS:

Cute marks left all over your French doors. 

OUTCROSSING:

What your spouse tells the minister you are doing out in the kennel with the dog and the bitch. 

POINTS:

Minute, invisible awards for winning which you cannot convince your spouse are more important than cash prizes. 

PUPPIES:

Small, dog-like food-processing machines with the ability to stink up an entire house and collectively deafen a band of magpies, (these creatures have not yet been perfected, as they come with a leaky system, and can also be dangerous to weak hearts and bank accounts). 

(Author unknown)