Dog Training

‘It’ll change your life,’ I was informed

The day that I acquired a dog.

‘Buy a super vacuum cleaner,

Pay the vet and start a blog!’

 

‘You’ll have to do dog-training classes!

Learn to sit; to fetch; say “Please.” ’

We tried it once and it was boring

Except - my dog can count to three!

 

We started classes of our own

My dog and I, in our own home

The classes all were based on this -

‘Do as I say, then have a bone!’

 

‘P/E*,’ said I (feeling a fool)

Every morn’ at half past eight

The high-jump, starting with a stool

Progressing to the garden gate

 

At ten we did arithmetic

The calendar was opened out

‘Pay attention little dog -

Weekends and holidays don’t count!’

 

In afternoons she’d learn to sit

With other people, till she’s fed

She wags her tail to gain their trust

Then she remembers all I’ve said.

 

The final lesson took a while

But finally she understood

‘Is it three days, not counting hols?

Then come and meet me in the wood.’

 

I’ve sold her now a dozen times

And she’s had twelve enormous bones

She stays with them three working days

The cheque has cleared - then she runs home!

 

(Author unknown)

 

* P/E = physical education in UK