There was a
time, there really was
When I was
sweet and tender
When a show
dog meant a Disney Star
And a Bitch
was not a gender
I went to
bed at half past ten
I went to
church on Sunday
On Saturday
I baked the bread
And did the
wash on Monday
But when I
got a certain pup
An
erstwhile friend said, "SHOW"!
And oh what
she didn't say
Oh! What I
didn't know
I used to
have a certain air
I wallowed
in perfume
I used to
smell of Ode D'Amour
Now I smell
of Mr. Groom
My
furniture was of exquisite decor
My pets a
tank of guppies
Now I've
furniture unstuffed
But
well-adjusted puppies
Once I
spoke in Pristine Prose
In dulcet
tone and frail
But now I'm
using language
That would
turn a sailor pale
I was
taught to be well-groomed
No matter
where I went
Now all the
grooming that I do
Is in the
handler's tent
I used to
long for furs and jewels
And a
figure classed as super
Now the
thing I yearn for most
Is a nice
new pooper-scooper
I adored a
man who murmured soft verse
Through
intimate little dinners
But now the
words I thrill to hear
Are just
three ... "Best Of Winners"!
I rise at
dawn and pack the car
The roads
ahead are long ones
The one I
routed on the map
Invariably
is the wrong one
When my
time on earth is said and done
I'll go
without much nudging
Just give
me three weeks closing date
And let me
know who's Judging!
(Beryl Allen)
*****
Another, slightly different Version:
There was a time, there really was,
When I was sweet and tender;
When Show Dog meant a Disney Star,
and bitch was not a gender.
I went to bed at half past ten;
I went to church on sunday;
On Saturday I baked the beans
and did the wash on Monday.
But then I got a certain pup,
And an erstwhile friend said "SHOW",
And so I did and so I do,
OH! What I didn't know.
I used to dress with flair and style,
That was the life, don't knock it.
But now each dress from bed to ball
Must have a good bait pocket.
I used to have a certain air,
I wallowed in perfume,
I used to smell of Niut D'Amour,
Now I smell like Mr. Groom.
My furniture was haute decor,
My pets a tank of guppies.
Now I've furniture unstuffed,
And well-adjusted puppies.
Once I spoke in pristine prose,
In dulcet tones and frail,
But now I'm using laguage,
That would turn a sailor pale.
I was taught to be well groomed
no matter where I went.
Now all the grooming that I do
is in the handler's tent.
I used to long for furs and jewels
And a figure classed as super,
Now the thing I yearn for most
is a nice new pooper scooper.
I adored a man who murmured verse,
through intimate little dinners,
But now the words I thrill to hear,
Are just three-"Best of Winners".
I rise at dawn and pack the car,
the road ahead's a long one.
The one I routed on the maps,
Invariably's the wrong one.
I really love this doggy life,
I wouldn't care to change it.
But when I get that Best in Show,
I plan to rearrange it.
When my time on earth is done,
I'll go without much nudging.
Just give me three weeks closing date,
and let me know who's judging.
(Beryl Allen)
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