Things that a losing exhibitor/a Judge would like to say out loud

Things that a losing exhibitor would like to say out loud to a Judge:

• I can see your winner’s choice, but I still think you're full of shit.
• Show my dog to you again? How about never? Is never good for you?
• I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
• I'll try being nicer if you'll try being a better judge.
• Ahhhh ... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
• Thank you. I feel refreshed and challenged by your, umm, unique point of view.
• I'm trying to imagine you with the intelligence to put up a good dog.
• Not your type? Oh, I get it ... like humor ... but different.
• Nice perfume/after shave. Must you marinate in it? It made my dog sick!
• I'm really easy to get along with once you Judges learn to put up the right dogs.

 

*****

 

Things that a Judge would like to say out loud to a losing exhibitor:

• It sounds like English, but I can't understand a darn word you're saying.
• I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
• You are validating my inherent dislike of Breeder/Owner Exhibitors.
• I have plenty of knowledge about your breed standard. I just don't give a damn.
• Any connections between your interpretation of the breed standard and mine is purely coincidental.
• I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
• Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my judging duties are largely ceremonial.
• And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion of my judging would be?
• Sarcasm is just another service judges offer.
• If I throw a stick, will you leave?
• Whatever kind of look you were going for with the Poodle, you missed.
• Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work in this ring is done.
• I thought I wanted a career judging dogs; turns out I just wanted a salary.

 

(Author unknown)