Why dogs are better than …

… men 

• Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
• Dogs miss you when you're gone.
• You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
• Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
• Dogs don't brag about whom they have slept with.
• Dogs don't criticize your friends.
• Dogs admit when they're jealous.
• Dogs do not play games with you - except fetch (and then never laugh at how you throw).
• Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together.
• Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
• You can train a dog.
• Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
• You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
• Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
  
• The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
• Dogs understand what "no" means.
• Dogs don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization.
• Dogs don't make a practice of killing their own species.
• Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
• Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
• You can house train a dog.
• You can force a dog to take a bath.
• Dogs don't correct your stories.
• Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
• Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair.
• Dogs aren't threatened by two women with short hair.
• Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.
• Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake.
• Dogs admit it when they're lost.
• Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.
• Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
• Dogs take care of their own needs.
• Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
• Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
• Dogs are nice to your relatives. 

… women 

• Dogs don't cry.
• Dogs love it when your friends come over.
• A dog's time in the bathroom is limited to quick drinks.
• The later you are, the more excited a dog is to see you.
• Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
• Dogs don't notice (or care) if you call them by another dog's name.
• Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.
• Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
• Dogs like when you leave lots of things on the floor.
• Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
• Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
• Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.
• Dogs like beer.
• No dog ever bought a Kenny G, Cher, or Barbara Streisand album.
• Dogs agree you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
• It's legal to keep a dog chained up at your house.
• Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
• Dogs can't talk. 

(Author unknown)
(A similar text in German here)