50 Questions

Mr. German Shepherd there are some things I need to know and only you can tell me.

Here's question #1. Let’s go.

Why do you insist on being in my way? No matter what I do.

You lay there in the doorway, never letting me through.

Then right when I step over you, you start to stand up, of course.

Then I'm straddling you between my legs, like a jockey on a horse.

As I dismount and head to the kitchen, you must be in the lead.

You must be a NASCAR fan or have watched ‘Need for Speed’.

I finally make it to the kitchen; it must be time to eat.

Why do you never get filled up with all that food and those treats?

Then it's time for water. This is the part you like best.

I've never seen any other breed make as much of a mess!

It's like you just hold it in your mouth and swish it all around.

Then you start to walk away and spit it on the ground.

Then when it's almost empty, you do this trick that's neat.

You step into your water bowl splashing with all four feet.

Another thing I have to ask, I need to know this and more.

Why won't you ever move when I try to open the door?

You lay there and look up at me like you just don't have a care.

I know there are other doors in this house. I will use the one over there!

Then there is this weird thing you twist and turn your head.

And give this really puzzled look, like you can't figure out what I said!

Then it's time to potty, my favorite time of day.

Walking around with plastic bags on my hands, listening to what my neighbors say!

This is nothing personal. Please don't take this wrong,

But you bark at things that aren't there or at least when I look they are gone!

Mr. Shepherd, I love you. You're well worth everything I give.

If I could I would change but one thing about you, that's the number of years you live!

Mr. Shepherd replies, a lot of questions you have asked. All of them I have answers for today.

The first thing that you wanted to know, Is why I lay in your way?

My main job in life is to protect you, that's what I do best, you see.

If anyone wants to get to you they must go through me!

Then you asked why I like to be first, everywhere we go.

Well, I am so handsome. I make a great first impression; I can't help it you're so slow.

Then you asked why I eat so much and when I eat why I take so long.

Look if I am to be your protector, I need all the food I can get to help make me strong.

Then you asked about this problem I have with spitting water all over the floor.

Well if I drank it all, as much as I pee, I'd have to live outdoors!

Then you wondered why it is; I splash water like I just don't care.

I'm just showing you where you need to mop. See you missed a spot right there.

Then you asked why I won't move when you try to open the door.

Hey, it took me 2 hours to get comfortable; you try lying on this hard floor.

Then you brought up the subject of why I tilt my head.

Well, I love you so much; I just want to understand everything you said.

Then you had to mention potty time and why it smells so bad.

It has to do with that Blue Buffalo a nd all those bully sticks I had.

You're the one following me around, picking it up with those gloves that are blue.

Maybe you should get another hobby. I seriously worry about you!

Then you inquired about my barking. Well, I hear things you can't see.

I won't let anyone near our house and I am cheaper than ADT!

Well I answered all your questions about the strange things I do.

Please remember the most important thing, I will always love you!

(Jerry Wayne Baldwin; from “This K-9 of Mine”)

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I would like to thank Jerry Wayne Baldwin for his kind permission to publish his poems on my blog.

The book “This K-9 of Mine: Poetic short stories from a dog's point of view, plus a few from the owner's vantage point, too.” is available as Kindle version here.