"IF" for dogs (by Jim Willis)

If you can stay off of the couch when others can't

and are blaming it on you,

If you can keep from counter-cruising,

or at least have the sense to blame them, too,

If you can wait and not be tired of waiting

for your owner late from work again,

and not mess your crate, or if not crated,

have the sense to use the den.

 

If you can run a little faster than your master,

If you can drink and pee with aim,

If you can meet cats without disaster,

and from eating them refrain;

If you can try to hit non-doglovers

with flings of food and drool,

or bury the things your human needs,

especially car keys, gloves and tools.

If you can make one heap of all your toys,

or strew them about on the stairs,

or place them discretely under cushions,

while your owner is blissfully unawares;

If you can coerce the neighbor kids

to feed you more treats than allowed,

or convince the dogsitter to serve you dinner

and of your unexplained weightgain be proud.

 

If you can walk through crowds without a muzzle,

or "break wind" and implicate a human,

If neither squirrels or roadkills divert you,

and you can ignore the UPS man,

If you can stand to car-ride with your owner,

and despite the driving, not throw-up,

then you are ahead of most creatures,

and - which is more - you are a Dog, my pup!

 

(Jim Willis, 2001)

 

*****

 

I would like to thank Jim Willis for his kind permission to publish his writings (taken from his book “Pieces of My Heart - Writings Inspired By Animals and Nature” (http://www.crean.com/jimwillis/) on my blog. It’s possible to order the book here.