You all may have heard of this story before
The breed our dear Santa has come to adore
Though not without mischief and danger it's true
He feels like he's ready for 2002
With Christmas upon us, it's dark and it's night,
So jingle and jangle the sleigh takes its flight
Now Santa, his toys, and eight tiny reindeer
Head south from the North Pole to work his way here
In Finland he found something quite unexpected,
Two Pepper & Salts and the folks they've protected
Taiga and Wanda hugged Tina and Max,
The sight of it all made ol' Saint Nick relax
He barely got in when these two P/S bitches
Ripped up his gift bag and one leg on his britches
He ran through the snow but was one second late
So a nip from the Schnauzers was his ultimate fate
Well ten seconds later he hovered above
His face all contorted and shaking his glove
The next time I come I won't go through the gates
I've seen this before in the United States
These dogs come in black and this pepper-salt shade
First Standards, then Mini's. So why were these made?
Since Schnauzers read minds Miss Taiga said then,
"He's leaving now Wanda, so let's go back
in!"
Now Santa is hot, man, he's steamin', he's mad
Those damn Giant Schnauzers, why are they so bad?
The kids leave me cookies; adults leave me booze,
Sometimes I can sit down and take a quick snooze
So why don't they give me just one little break?
They've figured out every damn move I can make
I'm back in the States so I'll try it again
I think they're asleep, don't know where to begin
He stops and he pauses, "I know what to do."
He bangs on the chimney, not one time but two
He knows he can always confuse and confound
Yet no dogs are barking there isn't a sound
He enters with caution, he's done this before
It's down through the chimney and out on the floor
On Rico, on Denzel, now Ulf starts the tally
It's Fox, and then Lori and oops! there goes Halle
The coat, hat and pants rip as boots leave his feet
Now Santa is dazed and he's out in the street
He's stumbling and tripping and dropping things down
Now Zora comes running to chase him around
He gets to his sleigh and he's laughing again
I knew what could happen before I went in
I must be a glutton for punishment though
'cause each year I stop here this happens you know
The drama continues since Schnauzers are slick
They always have fun when they play with Saint Nick
The magic of Christmas again starts to show
His clothes are all mended it's starting to snow
The sleigh rises quickly, the jolly one yells
"Those Damn Giant Schnauzers!" while
jingling his bells
They make the trip worth it, I'm off with no fear
I'll see you all later, say this time next year
(Tim Nyx)
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