Degree to
which dog handlers will bend over backwards to impress the judges.
BALANCE:
How to
arrange the checkbook so your spouse won't know how much money you spent on dog
shows last month. Usually done in the bathroom with the door locked.
BITCH:
a) Name for
a lady dog.
b) Name
often overheard at dog shows, not always to describe a lady dog.
COAT:
The hairy
covering of a dog that usually falls out about one week before the Specialty
show.
DAM:
a) A lady
dog with children.
b)
Expression frequently overheard at dog shows as losers leave the ring.
ELBOW:
Method of
getting to ringside when late.
EXPRESSION:
"Sweet"
look adopted by dogs while staring ravenously at chunks of liver.
FANCIER:
Degree to
which some gentlemen handlers dress more than others.
FEATHERING:
What
winners are accused of doing to Judges' nests.
FRONT:
Part of the
dog often stacked toward the outside of the ring.
HEEL:
a ) What
you feel like when your dog beats the one you had just sold to an eager novice.
b)
Expression often screamed to attract the attention of deaf dogs.
HEIGHT:
As in
"Maximum Allowed", a measurement which all champions fall under by AT
LEAST 1/8 inch.
HOCK:
A way of
financing your dog shows by the use of jewelry such as wedding rings.
KENNEL:
Where you
go when the lads fight and your spouse yells at you.
LITTER:
Trash left
all over the building and parking lot after a dog show.
MASK:
What to wear when you have to show the
pet you sold six months ago.
MUZZLE:
What to put
on your kids at a dog show to prevent them from calling your competition what
they overheard you call him last night.
NOSEPRINTS:
Cute marks
left all over your French doors.
OUTCROSSING:
What your
spouse tells the minister you are doing out in the kennel with the dog and the
bitch.
POINTS:
Minute,
invisible awards for winning which you cannot convince your spouse are more
important than cash prizes.
PUPPIES:
Small,
dog-like food-processing machines with the ability to stink up an entire house
and collectively deafen a band of magpies, (these creatures have not yet been
perfected, as they come with a leaky system, and can also be dangerous to weak
hearts and bank accounts).
(Author
unknown)
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