Dog Haiku

I love my master;

Thus I perfume myself with

This long-rotten squirrel.

 

I lie belly-up

In the sunshine, happier than

You ever will be.

 

Today I sniffed

Many dog butts-I celebrate

By kissing your face.

 

I sound the alarm!

Paperboy-come to kill us all -

Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

 

I sound the alarm!

Mailman Fiend-come to kill us all -

Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

 

I sound the alarm!

Meter reader-come to kill all -

Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

 

I sound the alarm!

Garbage man-come to kill us all -

Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

 

I sound the alarm!

Neighbor's cat-come to kill us all!

Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

 

I lift my leg and

Wiz on each bush. Hello, Spot -

Sniff this and weep.

 

How do I love thee?

The ways are numberless as

My hairs on the rug.

 

My human is home!

I am so ecstatic I have

Made a puddle.

 

I hate my choke chain -

Look, world, they strangle me! Ack

Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

 

Sleeping here, my chin

On your foot - no greater bliss - well,

Maybe catching cats.

 

Look in my eyes and

Deny it. No human could

Love you as much I do.

 

The cat is not all

Bad-she fills the litter box

With Tootsie Rolls.

 

Dig under fence-why?

Because it's there. Because it's

There. Because it's there.

 

I am your best friend,

Now, always, and especially

When you are eating. 

 

You may call them fleas,

But they are far more - I call

Them a vocation.

 

My owners' mood is

Romantic - I lie near their

Feet. I fart a big one.

 

(Author unknown)