Most people who sleep
with dogs develop spinal deformities rather than rent the heavy equipment
necessary to move their snoring canines to a more appropriate part of the bed.
Cunning canines steal precious space in tiny increments until they have
achieved the center position on the bed, with all covers carefully tucked under
them for safekeeping. The stretch and roll method is very effective in gaining
territory. Less subtle tactics are sometimes preferred. A jealous dog can worm
his way between a sleeping couple and, with the proper spring action from all
four legs, shove a sleeping human to the floor.
Rule #2: The deeper the
sleep the louder the dog.
As you cling to the edge
of the bed, wishing you had covers, your sweet pup begins to snore at a volume
you would not have thought possible. Once that quiets down, the dog dreams
begin. Yipping, growling, running, kicking. Your bed becomes a battlefield and
playground of canine fantasy. It starts out with a bit of "sleep
running", lots of eye movement and then, suddenly, a shrieking howl
blasted through the night like a banshee wail. The horror of this wake-up call
haunts you for years. It's particularly devastating when your pup insists on
sleeping curled around your head like a demented Daniel Boon cap.
Rule #3: When the dog
wakes, you wake.
The night creeps on and
you fall asleep in the 3 inches of bed not claimed by a dog. The dog dreams
quiet, and the heap of dogflesh sleeps breathing heavily and passing wind.
Then, too soon, its dawn and the heap stirs. Each dog has a distinctive and
unpleasant method of waking the pack. One may position itself centimeters from
a face and stare until you wake. The clever dog obtains excellent results by
simply sneezing on your face, or they could romp all over your sleeping body,
or the ever-loving insertion of a tongue in an unsuspecting ear.
So, why do we put up
with this? There's no sane reason. Perhaps it's just that we're a pack and a
pack heaps together at night, safe, contented, heavy and loud.
(Author unknown)
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