You know you’ve waited too long to find a mate when …

• you think stripping is something you do to a terrier
• you think nothing about loudly discussing studs and bitches in a fancy restaurant
• the first thing you notice about a guy is what breed of dog he has
• your biggest turn-off is a guy with an obnoxious untrained dog
• you have ever ruled out a guy as a prospective date based on the breed of dog he owns
• you dismiss all the guys your mother introduces you to as “not breeding quality”
• you never could stick to a diet to impress a guy, but you can do it to get through that TDX track
• your only nice jewelry features either dogs, dumbbells, or rosettes
• you have a video on how to artificially inseminate your dog but last watched a dirty movie in junior high school
  
• when you talk about “scoring” you mean how you did at last weekend’s obedience trial
• your dog has more letters after his name than the last ten guys you’ve dated, and actually completed obedience school
• you start using operant conditioning techniques to get what you want from your boyfriend, and you won’t let him read your copy of “Don’t Shoot The Dog”
• you think that maybe your current guy has potential if you use the proper combination of positive reinforcement and the occasional well-timed ear pinch
• you “people watch” at the mall by making mental lists of the conformational faults each bypasser has to contribute to the gene pool
• you think if you ever did marry and have children that you wouldn’t have to buy a playpen because you already have an extra x-pen. And why buy a crib?? Crates are cheaper and they’re enclosed on all sides.
• you give all of your married friends child-rearing advice based on your extensive background in dog training
• your mother’s worst fear is that you’ll have a child and make it wear a pinch collar
• your mother’s second worst fear is you’ll get married and your dog will be in the wedding party
• you actually have friends whose dogs HAVE been part of the wedding party
• when your cousin tells you how much her wedding costs you think how many show-quality puppies that could buy you
• all of your friends always include your dog in any invitation they issue to you. Of course, you reciprocate because you only have doggy friends left … the others have stopped inviting you places because you insist on bringing the dog!
• you know your dog’s cholesterol but not your own
• when you lament to your friends about chronic yeast infections, they don’t know you’re talking about your dog’s ears
• you last had a professional portrait done for your high school graduation, but you just spent 50% of your dog’s purchase price having his done by the best canine photographer in the country
• you and your dog use the same kind of hairbrush, and you never can keep straight whose is whose
• you spend 8 hours grooming your dog for a show the day before, and 1.25 minutes ponytailing your hair the morning of.
• your mother is ecstatic to see you browsing the aisle with the hair coloring, after hounding you for three year to try highlighting … only to be disappointed when she finds you are looking for peroxide to “touch up” your dogs drool marks
• when someone mentions single bars, you wonder if they are talking about utility or agility jumps
• when you go “clubbing”, you have your choice of the all-breed club, the specialty club, the obedience club, or the tracking club
• you once made earrings out of old rabies tags, and all your friends wanted a pair

 

(Author unknown)